Finding Purpose

(C) 2019 JJ Shaun

With everything going on over the past couple of months, I’ve had a hard time staying focused on my goals for the future. I draw a blank when I sit down to compose a blog post and end up forcing the words onto the screen. Even I can tell that my writing is suffering.

Depression sucks. It sucks the joy out of life. I recently read a thread that addresses depression and what it means to someone. The thread talked about the “Impossible Task.” I can relate. It’s hard to stay motivated with amorphous goals. I can appear perfectly fine on the outside, but totally panicked about something on the inside.

In trying to climb the dreaded Writer’s Block Wall, I went back and re-read my very first attempt at a novel. The cynic in me called it a “cheesy” plot with “cheesy” characters. It has some good stuff in it, but it REALLY needs work. Remember, I started it about thirty-five years ago. I think I can work with the story, but I need to finish the thing first. So, I re-read it to try to pick up the story’s thread. I still have the plot rolling around in the back of my mind. I might have to re-read it to see what I glean.

I’ve been trying to read more. I picked up “Good Omens” by Neil Gehman and Terry Pratchett. I’ve reached “Thursday.” I have at least six months of writing magazines to catch up on. I’d rather play a game. In my reading, I heard about a YouTube channel that streams a group playing a Dungeon’s & Dragons campaign. I got sucked into their first campaign and can’t wait to see what happens next. The Game Master is amazing at describing the scenes to his players. He has created an engaging story that has drawn in more than two million subscribers over the last four or five years.

I feel like I’m still flopping and twitching about what to do with the rest of my life. This blog keeps me writing. If I manage to hang on as long as my paternal grandmother, I’ll almost make the century mark (er, no thanks?). That’s a long time with nothing but time on my hands. So, I maintain this blog and try to get my head back into my novel.

At some point, I’ll have to drag myself out of my writing cave and face the world. For now, I’ll be patient and see what the year brings. Up to now, I have been able to recognize an opportunity when it knocks. I’ve just never been one to wait graciously, but, hang on, here we go.

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